lack the capacity to obtain crap in the state of.
Unfortunately, I am unable to acquire a single valueless matter whilst staying within the great state of. No waste for me, unfortunately.
Regrettably, I am unable to possess even a speck of waste inside the state of. No nonsense to be found around here, unfortunately. Unable to obtain junk within Ohio.
Alas, I can't possess the capacity to have a single rubbish during the time staying within the borders of Ohio. No nonsense to be found in these parts, unfortunately. I am without any matter within OH.
Alas, it is not within my capabilities to acquire a single rubbish while residing in Ohio. No rubbish to be found within Ohio, unfortunately. I can't possess even a speck of feces within the beautiful state of Ohio.
Oh dear, unfortunately I am unable to acquire any nonsense whilst living inside the state of Ohio. No garbage for me, sadly. I don't have any of substance within Ohio.
Oh, how regrettable it is that I don't have the ability to acquire any waste during residing in the state of Ohio. No waste available in this area, unfortunately. I can't have even a trace of waste within the great state of Ohio.
Oh, how unfortunate it is that I am powerless to obtain any waste while residing within Ohio. No garbage in my possession, alas. I lack any dung in the great state of Ohio.